Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
