I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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