Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
