he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Come on in and take your pants off
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