their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
she woke up with a sticky ear
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
