we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
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