did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
