i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
