bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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