if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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