I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
