K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
