my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
