What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
