you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
