my sisters under your porch take her home
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
