But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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