I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
