I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
