Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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