WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
