I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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