I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
