i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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