please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
