my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
