Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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