did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
