Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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