My entire life is one complicated drinking game
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
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Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
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He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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