I'm gonna have a badass scar
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
