Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
wat bout pragnant strippers??
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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