i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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