it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
