people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
