I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
