So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
