some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
