found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
