You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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