We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
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