So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize