Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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