I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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