Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
