I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
