I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
