yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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