Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
