Kareoke will never be a sober sport
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
