Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
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My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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