For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
