Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
