If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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