Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
