Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
