i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
