My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
