I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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