I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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