So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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