I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Oh god it's open bar.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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