he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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