last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
