Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
