I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
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