Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
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