no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
