I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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