i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
