am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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