i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
