8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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