Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
