last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
