Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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