I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
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